Control your desires

Control your desires

This too was an advice given to me by my grandmother through one of her nicely spun stories.
To comprehend this story one must have an idea of the typical set-up of a Tamilian agrahaaram in South India as it existed more than a hundred years ago. Houses were in rows having common walls on either side, except for those at the end of the rows. Life styles differed depending upon economic circumstances, but basic pattern was the same for all. Most of the households had a cow or she buffalo for milk. But those who did not have the facilities and who could not afford to keep such animals had to look to those having them for their milk supply. Coffee or tea was unknown. Match boxes had not been discovered. There is an important dictum that in a Brahmin household, fire should not be allowed to die out. Propitiation of Agni, the fire God offering dried sticks, ghee etc. to the accompaniment of appropriate hymns is a must both in the morning and in the evening. Usually an Oupaasana paanai (earthen pot) is the receptacle for the fire for this purpose. The fire is kept alive overnight by putting cow-dung cakes in the pot. Women folk also keep their kitchen fire alive by putting a dried ball of cow-dung in the oven before closing the kitchen after the cleaning up, once the dinner is over. Of course, these were the practices observed about a century ago. Now-a-days, oupaasanam is done only very rarely and fire for this or for other homams (propition of gods through offerings on the fire) is created lighting a piece of camphor.
If by chance, the fire in any household died out, the people used to take a twig or piece of wood to their neighbour’s residence and get it lighted from their oven and bring it to their own house. Nobody objected to this and no permission was required to enter a house for this purpose.
One day, the fire in a poor brahmin’s house had died out. The householder’s daughter, who noticed this, took a piece of dry wood and went to light it at the oven in the neighbouring house. The neighbours were rich and had, besides vast farm lands, a number of cows and buffaloes in their backyard. There was no one in the kitchen when the girl entered it. When she neared the oven, she found that creamy milk was boiling in a pot on a low fire and the cream was giving out a nice aroma. Being poor, she never had the opportunity to smell such fragrance, not to think of tasting it. Her mouth started watering and she earnestly wished to have a little of the creamy milk. But having been brought up in good tradition and with strong moral values instilled in her through the teachings of her parents, she immediately felt guilty that such a thought should have crossed her mind. Without a moment’s hesitation, she applied the lighted twig on her tongue so that it would never nurse such a desire again. It did give her a stinging pain and she gasped. Then she went with the fire to her house. She never uttered a word to anyone.
It so happened that one of the sons of the neighbour was standing on the verandah of the first floor of the house. He could see the kitchen. He noticed the action of the girl and immediately guessed why she did so. The neighbours were a very noble household and they valued good behaviour and conduct. When the boy told his parents what he saw, they decided that such a girl should be their daughter-in-law. The marriage was performed without delay and all were happy.
My grandmother concluded “so, my boy, never aspire to have what is not rightfully yours and never yearn to have something which is clearly far beyond your station in life. Craving for something which is beyond your means is the basis and breeding ground for unhappiness and unethical thought and conduct. If you are destined to get it, you will find a proper way to earn it. It is not wrong to aspire for higher achievements and a better life. But the goal has to be realistic and one has to work hard and intelligently to achieve it. Patience and perseverance will overcome mountains. Look at the star “ Dhruva”. And once you set a goal and decide to work for it, be prepared to sacrifice small pleasures which may come your way easily, but impede your progress in achieving the main objective.” Life is essentially a series of trade offs.
I have followed her advice all my life and have never regretted it.
I have seen people with unreasonable aspirations grumbling all the time, even though they normally get what they want. I remember one gentleman, who had this habit. His son was weak in mathematics during his school days. Since I was a bachelor and had some free time, he requested me to coach him up and I took it up as a gesture of goodwill. After the boy’s examination, the gentleman came to me and said “he has secured very good marks in mathematics, but what is the use? He is still lagging behind in geography.”” Once he invited me for evening tea. His wife had made very good masala dosai. I really enjoyed the dish. But my friend said “”what is the use? By the time you eat half, the other half becomes cold and loses crispness.””
I have also seen some persons who are just the opposite of this.
They would never take what they considered as more than their due and even that used to be quite low. This happened at Madras. My family priest could not come for officiating at a function. Another senior priest came. I knew that he had a large family. So I offered a remuneration which was in excess of the normal sambhaavana. He took what he considered as reasonable (which was lower than what I used to give to my family priest) and left the rest on the plate. I asked him to take the remainder. He declined saying “” you may be prepared to give more. But I should limit my expectations to what people would normally consider reasonable.”” I also remember all my Gurus who taught me to play mridangam. They were all uniformly generous. There was no time stipulation for my classes and the duration would extend to a couple of hours or even more, though what I paid as fee was nominal. I started giving public performances while studying under my fourth Guru. It is customary to have an Arangetram (first entry as a stage performer) and offer a good remuneration to the teacher/s. After I became proficient enough to give public performances, my Guru took me to an Aaraadhana celebration in memory of Saint Thyagaraja. That was on 6th January 1961. After the main worship, my Guru put some sugar candy and raisins offered as prasaadam, in my mouth and asked me to sit and play for a performance. He said “”this is your arangetram””. After the performance, I said that I should suitably remunerate and honour him. He said your playing well is remuneration enough and the way the audience applauded you is honour showered on me.””. In fact he refused to take any more fees from me although I continued my lessons under him. Again, when I gave my first performance over the All India Radio and received the cheque, I rushed to him and requested him to take the proceeds of this cheque at least. He said”” place it before the pictures of our gods and prostrate. Then take the cheque and put it in your bag. The money is for the persons who played. Should not the Guru be happy with the credit given for producing a good performer?”” Actually, he himself was not in the well-to-do category at that time. He had just enough to lead a very simple life. But he was quite contented.
A third instance comes to my mind. Sri Ramakrishna Mission has brought out many books written by””Anna” Sri Subrahmania Iyer on various religious topics. He was a great person. The incident that I narrate happened when he (in his eighties) was the President of the Ramakrishna Students’ Home and Vivekananda College council. As a disciple, I was fairly close to him. On one occasion a family friend wanted to meet Anna for some purpose. He was very affluent. He took me along with him as he did not know Anna. During the conversation, he mentioned to Anna that he was regularly contributing a sum to the Ramakrishna Mission. But of late, the rise in prices had affected him very much and he had discontinued his donations. Anna smiled and said. “”I have no such problem. The Mutt has given me quarters and they are giving me a pension of Rs.30/ per mensem. I am able to lead my normal life and carry on with my special poojas periodically, for which a good number of people congregate””. His was a very simple life.
That leads us to two verses which are very relevant in this context.
“”Sa Thu Bhavathu Daridro Yasya Thrishnaa Visaala
Manasi cha Parithushte Koartthavaan Ko Daridrah””
A poor man is he whose desires are vast. If the mind is satisfied and happy, who is rich and who is poor?
“”Adhoadhah Pasyathah Kasya Mahima Noapacheeyathe
Uparyuparyupari Psyanthah Sarva Eva Daridratha””
The person who is able to perceive his own better fortune in comparison to those placed in less comfortable position, and derive satisfaction, is always happy. One who always compares himself with those having more wealth and better position in any aspect, will ever remain steeped in poverty and sorrow.
Though abject state of poverty such as, want of food, clothing, shelter or persistent ailments which make a person’s life miserable, cannot be ignored, poverty and misery are very often creations of one’s own mental make- up. They are comparative rather than absolute. Contentment is a mental state. In a way, it can be made a matter of habit and it can be cultivated, if only a person recognizes that complaining is also a matter of habit.
As a phenomenon, this need not be elaborated at this stage. But I have dealt with it elsewhere. When the work is published, I shall give a reference to it in this write-up.
P.G.Krishnamoorthy
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